“Deep calls unto deep” —Psalm 42:7
If you come to this page through the heartbreak of losing a child then I warmly embrace you and sincerely pray that here you may find an oasis of comfort, a little rest on a very arduous and painful journey. I firmly believe there is no greater sorrow in all the earth than that of losing a child and there is no one who can begin to comprehend the depth of grief other than another who has traveled the same road.
I am 13 years down this road. I don’t believe the journey ends until I am complete in Christ in eternity. I will always be Spencer’s mom; I will always miss my son. But as I turn and look back I see the incredible leading, grace and presence of the Holy Spirit through every dark forest, twisting ravine and overwhelming mountain. He has not only brought me through but He has blessed my life with His glory. This is God’s signature, His banner over me is LOVE.
I have cried, yelled and complained along the way. In His fathomless mercy He understands. Jesus was a “man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.” For all those who are also well acquainted with grief, I leave some of the treasures of hope that were given to me along the way, with heartfelt desire that your day may be just a little brighter, the road a little easier after you leave this page.
When God Weeps by Joni Earickson Tada
Learning of God: Readings from Amy Carmichael
Things Unseen: Living in Light of Forever by Mark Buchanan
A Path Through Suffering: Discovering the Relationship Between God’s Mercy and Our Pain by Elisabeth Elliot
A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss by Gerald L. Sittser
A Grief Observed by C.S.Lewis
Brokenness: How God Redeems Pain and Suffering by Lon Solomon
**** Kina’s Letters
These are two letters that belonged to my mother that she gave to me a couple of years after Spence died. Kina and her husband were friends of my grandparents and they had a little girl named Betty my mother’s age. In the 1930’s Betty was hit by a car in front of their home and died at the age of six. She would be their only child and her husband, Odell died later at a fairly young age. When my brother Timmy died in 1964 Kina wrote my mother these two letters. They are beautiful. I never met this woman but I’m sure she is rejoicing in God’s presence with Odell and Betty. Her wisdom and perspective through a trial of great sorrow mirror the loving grace of Christ Jesus in a broken heart.
**** Letter to a Grieving Mother by Samuel Rutherford
A seventeenth century Scottish preacher who spent much time in prison and also lost two of his own children. I am still so moved by this excerpt from a letter to a grieving mother. His perspective is “heavenly minded”. That’s a good place to live.
Letter by Samuel Rutherford
**** I read this poem the day Spence died and it has stayed with me.
Poem by Amy Carmichael
**** More wisdom from Amy Carmichael
Excerpt from Learning of God
**** Poem (or was it a rap?) I found written by Spence. Awesome! I corrected his spelling.
Poem by Spencer MacLeod “Our Hope”
**** Poem I wrote in January 2003, one year after Spencer’s death
2nd Corinthians 12:9 by Robin Farnsworth
**** and some of God’s Word that helped me most.